the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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