lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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