Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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