omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
