It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
