I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
