I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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