Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
