I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
