Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
