swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You almost got us killed.
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Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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