ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
