I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
