Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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