Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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