The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
