Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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