Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
