The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
