you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
