just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
