Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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