Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
