I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
