It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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