Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
