I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The power of my boobs compel you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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