Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
