It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
