Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
