Please, let me fuck your mom
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
