I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
