I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
