Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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