It's Friday. Sex?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize