He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
