Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
