Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
