Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
