Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
