never play flip cup with pint glasses
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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