I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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