I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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