How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
