Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
