none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
