I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
do nipples grow back?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
