Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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