I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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