you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
