One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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