It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
