we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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