K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
