I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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