I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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