Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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