take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
