hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
