Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
