You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
