I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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