This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I could fuck to npr.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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