I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
