We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize